Lighten up with the Conversational Tone

So your essay's boring?  You just don't live a fancy life!  I mean, you live in the 'burbs, avoid trouble, get your work done, and you know the real names of the "Jersey Shore" cast and who got voted off "The Apprentice" this week.

OK.  We get it.  Look, what you need to do is engage your reader.  Get him or her to identify with you.  So how do you do that?

Well, I'll tell you how.  Take a look at the previous paragraph.  Look at it carefully.  Notice: did I include any complex sentences?  No.  Did I use fragments that feel "natural" as if you might speak them aloud?  You bet.  Did I use a rhetorical questions? Uh huh.  And one last thing: take a look at this paragraph... do you see a similar informality leading your eye and your inner "ear" in feeling the rhythms of the language.

You can also directly address your reader, e.g., "Not so exciting, right?  I warned you it was going to be a little dry."  This technique breaks the spell of the "analytic" style and lightens the mood by making it sound like you don't take yourself too seriously.

Some people say you should avoid big words, but I don't believe in that. I use big words all the time and it feels natural.  Other people say you should avoid sounding formal, but I use transitions all the time too.  I personally love "moreover" and "likewise." But I'm kind of a word geek; OK, I am a word geek, so yeah.

But the one thing you must must must do, is read it aloud.  If you can't read it aloud without sounding like you're producing an oral report that will cure an insomniac, then you better rewrite  Check the rhythm of your sentences--rhythm is the everything of conversational writing.

One last way to produce that light tone is to not be afraid to be a little witty.  VERY light sarcasm can be a nice touch, especially if it's used to include a humorous (observed) detail.

Lastly, be yourself.  You are selling yourself to the university and you'll be the one who must live there.  I want you to be at the university that best suits your nature and personality.  So let it shine.

Now get writing!

P.S. Read this post aloud and notice the conversational attitude that runs through it. Don't get too informal, but--hey!--lighten up!

3-D writing: Details, Dialogue, Description

We're in the home stretch for the UC essays.  I hope you're feeling the fire and writing great stuff.  As we go into the last 10 days for these essays I want to remind everyone of some of the basics that I've been going over time and again.  You've got to get your writing to pop, to jump off the page with life, with emotion.  you need to make it 3-D:

Details  *  Dialogue  *  Description

1. Details: So the other day I was working with a student on a piece about Kathak, a traditional form of Indian dance.  This was for UC prompt #2, "a talent or accomplishment you are proud of."  What I was hoping to see was her passion, her love of beauty, her commitment.  But her essay lacked detail.  The details would be what makes the essay come alive.  For an essay about Kathak, we should see the beautiful and graceful hand gestures, the colors of the costumes, hear the jangling of the anklets that ring with each stamp of the dancers' feet.  You want to communicate your love of beauty and passion for being part of the performance. 
2. Dialogue: I've blogged about this before.  Use their words!  If we can hear voices in your paper (not our heads), then we get a sense of your world and a sense of your experience.  A real sense of your sensitivity to the world around you.  The key here is not to get bogged down with too much talking or using too many tags (for example, she said; for more info check: this fiction writing blog).  Economy is the watchword here.  Think movie cuts to try to keep your dialogue moving quickly.
3. Description: This one should be obvious.  The key, of course is choosing what to describe and what to skip over.  I always recommend in these types of essays to focus on visuals that produce emotion: facial expressions, the size of the mountain you're climbing, the inner conflict that makes your decision difficult and shows maturity.  This goes under the general heading of SHOW DON'T TELL.  For anyone who has really tried writing, it is so hard to show instead of telling.  (If you have any questions, take a look at any page of The Da Vinci Code: a whole novel built on telling.  For a hilarious take on the horros of telling over showing there is this review of the Da Vinci Code movie and a little about the book, too). 

3-D.  When going over your writing, make sure you chant it.  And your chant should help you remember that you need your essay to "pop-out" from a huge stack of boring students who write by number, whose essays portray flat lives.  Show your depth!

Good luck!

Those Darn Supplemental Essays

Wooster College

So you wanna go to a small liberal arts school?  Good job.  There are some great schools that just don't get enough attention these days with the huge state schools stealing most of the spotlight.  But the programs at some of these schools (my personal favorite is St. John's College in New Mexico) are all about deepening our thinking and enriching our experience, primarily through the humanities.

So what about those supplemental essays?  They may appear annoying, just one more thing to do.  But these schools need to know that you've taken the time and energy to research them.  That you would be a good fit.

1. HONESTY: Your primary resource in these essays is going to be your honesty -- when you're honest about what you want to study, your passion will definitely show.
2. NERDY: While in high school it's kinda tough to let this habit show, but in college it's awesome to be a nerd for something you love.  Whether it's chemistry, politics, insects, it doesn't matter.  Show that you're ga-ga for something academic. Also don't be afraid to get "out of the box."  Originality and cleverness are always appreciated by bored readers.
3. SINCERITY: Without it, your paper will be obviously hollow or self-seeking.  Wanting to go to a college because you want a prestigious name on your resume is not the best method for convincing and admissions officer.
4. ACCURACY: Make sure you know what you're talking about.  Don't say you really want to attend William and Mary because Thomas Jefferson founded.  Not only do you look like an idiot, but you're not getting in (Thomas Jefferson founded University of Virginia).
5. TOPIC: Make sure you answer the question too.  If you're applying to Univ. of San Francisco and you're asked how you are prepared for service, make sure you have a clear set of examples that will illustrate that.  Don't answer a different question just because the one on the app. is awkward or hard to answer.

And as always, be specific, show not tell, be passionate, and be concise.  You only get a few words so make them count!